KiTisa: Moses gets a glimpse of the DIVINE BACKSIDE. It's full of STARS!
Tetzaveh: YHWH loves Aaron's new BLING!
Beshelach: The women, dancing with their timbrel.
Shemot: MIRACLES! A rod turns into a snake, and Moses' hand turns WHITE!
Vayechi: YHWH gathers, then kisses the soul of Jacob.
Vayigash: We ARE our brother's keepers!
Vayeishev: In which Joseph gets thrown down the well.
Vayishlach: Esau forgives Jacob! Raw and cooked.
Toldot: Birth of the twins, Esau and Jacob.
Chayei Sarah: Isaac is 40 and Rebecca is 3 when they meet and marry, and they live happily ever after. The challah before and after baking reveals a lovely dynamic.
Custom Challah for Occupy Shabbat at Occupy Chicago, November 4, 2011. We ate the 99%!
Challah Noah: After seeing the remains of the Flood, YHWH's pal, one of the Elohim, invents the Rainbow. With the Dove of Peace.
Bereshit: Eve, emerging from Adam's side.
Hazinu...I'll make My sword drunk with your blood.
Nitzavim: YHWH travels to the farthest reaches of Heaven to reclaim her strays.
KiTavo: Moses describes 2 mountains, one of blessings, one of curses. Israel marries Ya, or gets a taste of the fine print.
Massei: Ya and Mo share a tender moment, before She kills him.
Parshat Shelach is Spy vs Spy ... on the same team.
Balak: Balaam's ass knows her Torah portion.
Matot: Moses orders his army to kill every Midianite woman who has ever had sex... even if it was bad sex!
Re'eh: If your wife is worshipping idols, you must kill her.
V'etchanan: Moses begs to enter The Land. Ya says NO.
Nasso: YA invents Rastafarians and demands to meet all the adulterous women in the camp. We honor the white girls who swoon for the dreadlock boys.
Nasso: After baking Rastaman is fat and happy and his bride has her own loaf in the oven.
KiTeitzei: The Beautiful Captive, before and after her month in the house of her captor.
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Bamidbar: YHWH points the way across the Sinai peninsula to Canaan
Tazria: Silky the Priest gets cash from ALL the baby mamas.
In Parshat Metzora, to remove the stain of sin, a bird has to die.
Parshat Acharei Mot: rules for Yom Kippur, when we send our souls out for cleaning. A few soles float around too.
Bechukotai: "... I will make your skies like copper and your earth iron... ouch!"
Chaya Sarah: 37 year old Isaac and his 3 year old bride Rebecca in love... you can tell by the valentine!
Emor: We had this waaay before Mr. Spock.
Emor: We had this waaay before Mr. Spock.
Eikev: Say No to Molech, and life will be wonderful...
Parshat Pekudei
Vaiyera: Isaac bound to be eaten.
Parshat Kedushim: Midpoint in the Torah!
Parshat Tzav: featuring Volca Lava, goddess of Nicaragua and consort of Ya, when WE tell the story.
Behar: Before her big, hot laydown in the oven, Honey likes to be covered in egg yoke... kinky!